Day 2

Tonight is the second night I am spending in the hospital. Mom is getting better,  Alhamdulillah. She just can’t wait to be discharged. Her swollen foot is also recovering.

Mom is finally being able to get into deep sleep. She had sleepless night yesterday. The doctors and nurses gave her some pills to help her to sleep.

As for me, I have not sleep for two nights in a row. Wonder what keeps me awake. It’s tiresome forcing myself to sleep.

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This is my bed during my stay in this hospital. It is comfortable enough,  but I get the itchiness everytime I lay down on it even though I already covered it with another layer of blanket.

p/s: He called me today. Just a short 2 minutes conversation. Enough to make me senyum sampai telinga while I’m trying to sleeping earlier tonight. Geez, bila nak betul-betul move on ni Nora oii!

Day One

Spending the night here, in the hospital. My mother is hospitalised due to her swollen foot. Not sure why, but there seems to be like an infection at her right foot. Plus with the fever and the high blood pressure and the high sugar levels in her blood.

My mum has been facing stressful long period in her life. She’s been mentally and emotionally depressed, and also physically exhausted. It’s so tough on her and I can see that she has been fighting real hard against all the odds and tests that Allah gives upon her. A massive heartbreaking to see her in this condition.

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I was supposed to return to UKM tomorrow morning,  but then decided to postpone to either Saturday or Sunday.

Boleh jugak beli bisjut brownie yang sedap lazat lagi enak.

Clumsy me

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              Saja gedik nak tunjuk jugak.

I accidentally cut my nail (of my pinky finger) while cutting the fruits earlier this evening. Terpotong kuku dan dalam tu sikit. Kifarah dosa agaknya,  buat dosa banyak sangat. Anyway, come to think about it, rasa macam tak padan sangat lautan dosa yang dah buat dengan sakit yang Allah kirim ni. Not that I’m wanting for more, but it hits me that Allah is so Merciful to His servants. Kita ja yang tak sayang diri sendiri.

p/s: wherever you are, whatever you are doing, I pray to Allah to keep you away from harm.

Life goal #1

I just figured out one of my life goal. My first life goal is to maintain the consistency of performing solat sunat tahajud. I know it is normal for people seek for their Creator, Allah The Almighty, whenever we’re in trouble, whenever we’re incapable of something, whenever things are out of our control.

To be honest, I am like that. But, I don’t want to always be that kind of person, whom only seek for Allah whenever things were falling apart. I want to be the kind of person that always remember and devote myself to my Creator, through thick and thin.

I want to be a better person. I wish to repent for my sins and wrongdoings to Allah and people around me. I wish I could stop hurting people around me, and most importantly hurting myself. I want to stop doing things that I know I will be hugely regret later.

I wish, I wish and I pray hard for that to come true.

911

This is the entry where I’m seeking help to cure myself. I need someone to talk to, but apparently the time now is 3.35 a.m. (as I’m typing this), so everyone is in their deep sleep. So, having not much choices, I chose to type it all here.

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                 Couldn’t agree more

So here goes the case.

My name is Nora. I’m 23 years 8 months old. Currently pursuing my Masters in Education (TESL) in UKM. Have been through a few heart breaks and for this time being, I’m trying to move on from a guy whom I dearly love. That will do.

I’m a May baby, hence according to the materials I’ve found from the Internet, day-dreaming is my hobby. As a matter of fact, I LOVE day dreaming. I day dream about a lot of things. The good things,  the bad things. Everything.

Things were going under control,  this day dreaming stuff. Not until I’m having depression over love. I might write about that, later. Things become worsen day by day. I started to be less talkative than before, my appetite is deteriorating, I sleep more, and I cry a lot. I think I managed to kick off around 3 kilos of my weight. No complaints, though.

The depression is taking place concurrently with my day dreaming activities. Well, to be more clear, when I day dream, I would talk to myself. I started to imagine things that aren’t happen. As if I’m going through that. It’s kinda fun actually. Err, did I just make you think I’m a bit of psycho? Sorry about that bit, couldn’t help it.

Most of them are the sad ones. So, I would cry so hard when I daydream about them. It has always been about that one person. So, recently, it just come to my sense that I am having a delusion. Yes, I realised that I am being delusional. That’s a serious issue, my dear. This is a self diagnosed problem. My mental health is not in a good state. And I know I need help to overcome the problem.

Help me.